Buying a label maker seemed like a good idea at the time, but, looking back now, I can see it was just another one of my life’s great failures.
If the shoe fits, wear it — unless it doesn’t belong to you — then you’re just a shoe thief.
I bought a bear claw at the coffee shop this morning, but I was disappointed by the lack of fur and bear bones.
I don’t want to live in a world that won’t accept pancakes as currency.
They say we all have our demons, but I decided I didn’t want to keep my demons around anymore so I sold them to a kid for five dollars.
Life is short. You should try to spend more time working in a cubicle.
The true measure of a man isn’t how large his bank account is, but rather how tall he is when not wearing shoes.