Be nice to your computer. It knows all of your secrets.
Pooping your pants is always an option, but it’s rarely the best option.
You haven’t really lived until you’ve choked the life out of a carny with your own bare hands.
There are two kinds of people in the world: pilots and regular folks.
If you get paid by the hour, do your work slowly. If you pay your employees by the hour, fire the slow ones.
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Until that bird poops in your hand — then you’ll wish it was in the bush.
The dumber you look, the fewer things people will ask you to do.