If you’re a young cowboy today, I hope someday you’ll grow up to become a real man — not just another cowman.
Hand sanitizer is nice for killing germs, but it’s even more effective for letting people know you’re better than them.
I’m not alone in thinking that people who use hand sanitizer will be the ultimate downfall of mankind.
If I got caught robbing a bank, I’d tell the police that the Sasquatch standing behind them made me do it. When they turned to look for the Sasquatch I’d run away.
Life is short — shouldn’t today be the day you finally pee on your boss’s chair?
Do your best to make the world a better place and you can go to bed tonight knowing you fooled yourself into thinking you made a difference.
Bathroom stalls in highway rest stops are the Facebook of the hobo world.