The dumber you look, the fewer things people will ask you to do.
I prefer blood baths to bubble baths, but filling the tub for a good blood bath tends to lead to questions I’d rather not answer.
Flushing a dead fish down the toilet is like throwing your dead uncle down a water slide that leads to the sewer.
Carnies are mostly like hobos — only a lot more rapey.
I regret my decision not to become a billionaire. I think I could have used that money after all.
If you get paid by the hour, do your work slowly. If you pay your employees by the hour, fire the slow ones.
Once you’ve failed at everything else in life, it’s probably time to become a carny.