Confidence is the key to asking a beautiful woman out on a date. Well, confidence and not being ugly.
Want to lose weight quickly? Do you really need two arms?
It was just another dinner party. Much like the dinner parties we had every month. We invited the same guests we always did. Burton was there, like he always was. But the memorable thing about this dinner party was our new wine glasses. My wife bought them at an antique shop. Everyone agreed they were beautiful wine glasses. Though a few people remarked on how much smaller they were than our old wine glasses.
After the dinner party, we never heard from Burton again. This was strange because we had known Burton for many years and he never missed our dinner parties. Most people blamed the small wine glasses for Burton’s disappearance, but I knew it was because I punched him in the face.
It wasn’t that I hated Burton. I just had to punch him in the face. Know what I mean?
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. But eating an elephant will make you look like a real weirdo.
When buying hobo poetry, I ignore spelling and focus on the deeper meaning and symbolism. If hobo poets could spell, they wouldn’t be hobos.
I wasn’t surprised to learn that all Sasquatch love maple syrup. But I was surprised to learn that all Sasquatch aren’t from Canada.
If you get paid by the hour, do your work slowly. If you pay your employees by the hour, fire the slow ones.