There’s no faster way to get yourself murdered than by making friends with a carny.
Carnies are mostly like hobos — only a lot more rapey.
When dining out, it’s good to know which fork is the salad fork, but even more important to know which fork fell in the toilet.
Pooping your pants is always an option, but it’s rarely the best option.
Take the time today to call up an old friend and say hello. This is a good way to remember why you stopped talking to him.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. But eating an elephant will make you look like a real weirdo.
Robbing a bank may be illegal, but you can’t say it isn’t a fast way to make some money.