To achieve your goals, write them down and read them every day. Unless your goal is to die lonely and broke. Don’t write that one down.
Knapsack hobos are the only true hobos. Shopping cart hobos are just lazy normal people.
When dining out, it’s good to know which fork is the salad fork, but even more important to know which fork fell in the toilet.
I think I would have been promoted much sooner if I had always worn this eye patch.
I don’t want to live in a world that won’t accept pancakes as currency.
If you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, you’re probably just in a cave.
The sharper the pencil, the more eyes lost to pencil mishaps.